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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24514825">In Case You Don't Live Forever</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Canarianyellow/pseuds/Canarianyellow'>Canarianyellow</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Beta!Hal Verse [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Homestuck</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Beta Auto-Responder | Lil Hal, Character Death, Character Study, Dave's Bro | Beta Dirk Strider's Bad Parenting, Dysfunctional Family, Family, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hopeful Ending, KIND OF I GUESS, Minor Character Death, POV Dave's Bro | Beta Dirk Strider, Pesterlog(s) (Homestuck), Pre-Sburb/Sgrub, Sadstuck</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 07:41:46</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,363</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24514825</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Canarianyellow/pseuds/Canarianyellow</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>He couldn’t breathe. </p>
<p>It felt like the air had been punched right out of his gut, leaving him winded and clutching his middle with shaking hands as the world seemed to crumble around him in a matter of seconds.</p>
<p>She was dead. </p>
<p>Jane Egbert was dead. </p>
<p>An AU of my AU</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Auto-Responder | Lil Hal &amp; Dave's Bro | Beta Dirk Strider, Dave's Bro | Beta Dirk Strider &amp; Dave Strider</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Beta!Hal Verse [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1733509</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>42</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>In Case You Don't Live Forever</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>AYEEEE I'm back with my Beta Hal fics because it makes me emotional and I am constantly emotional. </p>
<p>This time: Me, making an AU for my AU dkfjghfg because I can. </p>
<p>For that reason, YES I would highly recommend reading my other Beta Hal story before this one. This is a AU, diverging from canon at chapter 3 when Bro finds out that Jane died from the meteor. This is kind of a character study, coupled by my inability to let things go. riuguohgf</p>
<p>It's not often I see fics where the Bad ending is the Canon one, but that's what I'm doing now. In canon, Bro abruptly leaves after hearing the news and kind of loses his shit for a couple of days- in this AU, he makes a different choice.</p>
<p>Who knows, maybe I'll write more for this AU eventually. Let me know if y'all would like that- I sure as shit enjoy writing for this AU.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span class="dave">TT: Don’t make me be the one to tell you, Dirk. It didn’t go well then and it won’t go well now. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span class="dirk">TT: Last time you told me that our fucking foster mom died! What could possibly be worse than th </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span class="dirk">T: . . . </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span class="dirk">TT: Hal. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span class="dirk">TT: Please, for the love of all that is Holy, tell me it isn’t what I think it is. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span class="dave">TT: I can’t lie to you, Dirk. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span class="dave">TT: Dirk? </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He couldn’t breathe. </p>
<p>It felt like the air had been punched right out of his gut, leaving him winded and clutching his middle with shaking hands as the world seemed to crumble around him in a matter of seconds. He couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t do anything but stand there in the kitchen as the realisation of what had happened overcame him. He forced back the feeling of bile rising in his throat and moved to grip the wooden countertop until his knuckles turned white. His vision was blurred, out of focus behind thick shades. </p>
<p>She was dead. </p>
<p>Jane Egbert was dead. </p>
<p>Hal hadn’t said it directly, but he knew. It kept repeating in his head, like a cruel melody he couldn’t shake. There was nothing else that it could be- Jane was dead, at age 86. It didn’t feel real. Nothing felt real in this moment, with a lump forming in his throat and tears threatening to spill as he finally let out a shuddering breath. </p>
<p>It was her birthday today. </p>
<p>Did she get the message he’d sent this morning, exactly at 7 am, like he had every year since the day he’d met her? </p>
<p>Had she opened his gift, a personal mix he’d made just for her on a cassette tape? Did she ever get to hear it?</p>
<p>He took a deep, stuttering breath in and turned his head towards the ceiling. Five years. He’d only gotten five years with her. Five short years before she was gone, taken away by something so out of anyone’s control and yet he felt the heavy weight of guilt settle on his shoulders, as if there was something he could have done to prevent this. It was irrational, it was stupid, but his mind could never just stop to think <em> hey, maybe this isn’t our fault.  </em></p>
<p>The guilt felt unbearable, making his chest tight and shoulders sag. It wasn’t his fault, it couldn’t <em> possibly </em> be his fault, no one had expected the meteors to take them out <em> years </em>before whatever game they were meant to be a part of was supposed to start. It was like some cruel wakeup call to the reality of what their life was. He huffed out a choked sound- something between a laugh and maybe a sob. If this was a wakeup call, it sure as fuck was the worst one he’d ever gotten. </p>
<p>
  <span>Jane is dead, for the purpose of some cosmic fuckery and end-of-the-world bullshit. His knees felt weak thinking about it. He wanted to collapse and curl up against the tiled floor right then and there, not caring at all about anything else. It was cruel, it was terrifying, it was… </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was </span>
  <em>
    <span>unfair</span>
  </em>
  <span>, in every sense of the word</span>
  <em>
    <span>. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Jane had always been the best of them- kind and fair in a way he knew he and Jake could never be. She was a ray of sunshine, the kind of person you’d dream of meeting one day. She deserved the world and more, not a burning crater in the earth. Why did it have to be </span>
  <em>
    <span>her? </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He blinked, Lil’ Cal catching his attention out of the corner of his eye, leaning against the fridge where he’d left him. Glassy blue eyes stared back at him, unblinking. They watched him with something akin to pity, or at least that’s what he’d always thought those eyes were saying. A pained noise escaped his throat as he slowly reached out for him, hands wrapping around the plush body and pressing it to his chest. His eyes slipped close as he let out another shuddering breath. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jane was dead, not even six feet under the ground yet. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Who was next? Harley? Roxy? </span>
  <em>
    <span>Him?</span>
  </em>
  <span> How long before one of them kicked the metaphorical bucket, leaving behind some kid who was destined to play some fucked-up, end of the world game? There was a clock ticking away in the background, counting down to an imminent future none of them could predict. He’d always been aware of it, they all had been, but it felt so much faster now. There was no time left- today just proved that even more. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There was no time left, and it terrified him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He was out of the kitchen in a blink, one hand still tightly gripping Lil' Cal. His chest still felt so tight, burning with a desire to just get out- to be anywhere but here, doing anything to just </span>
  <em>
    <span>stop thinking. </span>
  </em>
  <span>To make his mind cease it’s constant barrage of </span>
  <em>
    <span>what if’s </span>
  </em>
  <span>and impossible scenarios. The room felt suffocating. He needed air. He needed to get out of his own head. Anger and fear and sadness simmered just beneath his skin, itching to seep through. He couldn’t be here, he need to leave, he- </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A burst of bright laughter had his mind come to a screeching halt, hand frozen on the doorknob. His shoulders went suddenly rigid, the feeling of something cold running down his back. The sound of innocent giggles filled his ears, replacing the ringing that had been constant. He turned slowly, hand never leaving the doorknob, staring wide-eyed at the living room. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dave. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Oh God, Dave. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dave was still here, laughing away at nothing, completely oblivious to everything. He was lying on the couch, kicking his legs to worm his way out of the blanket wrapped around him. Wide eyes stared back at him, alight with delight as he giggled and laughed at him. His knees nearly gave out right then as he stared at him, another choked sound escaping his throat. He’d forgotten. God, he’d forgotten Dave. He didn’t even know what was happening- he was five months old and here his guardian was, bordering on a breakdown. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Another heavy weight of guilt pressed atop his shoulders. His knees shook as he slowly dropped his hand from the knob. His laughter pittered off into nonsensical babble, filling the otherwise silent room with vibrant noise. His grip on Cal loosened, lower lip trembling as the white noise filling his mind seemed to fade. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jane was dead, but Dave was still here. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He had Dave in his arms before he could even think, Cal abandoned by the door as he pressed his little brother against his chest, knees finally giving out beneath him as he sunk to the floor. He heaved a deep breath, staring down at Dave as he giggled and reached for his pointed shades. He didn’t resist as he pulled them off his face, babbling away. Red eyes met orange, wide and unblinking as he smiled at him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He let out a weak laugh when Dave put the shades into his mouth, making the baby laugh as well. He turned to lean his back against the futon as he held Dave tightly, still shaking as he forced himself not to cry. He wouldn’t cry, not now, not in front of Dave. He let out a shuddering breath and let his eyes slip close as he listened carefully to Dave’s steady heartbeat. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span> He didn’t know how long he sat there, but eventually Dave drifted to sleep, still holding onto his shades as he slept away against his chest. The shaking stopped eventually, leaving him with an almost numb feeling. Everything felt raw still, like an open wound freshly made, but the pain had receded into something he could work through. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Slowly, he pried his shades from Dave’s hands and placed them once again on his face. Roxy had messaged him, as did Harley, but his eyes lingered on the single text that had gone unread from Hal. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span class="dave">TT: … </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span class="dave">TT: I’m sorry. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>He breathed deeply through his nose, trying to keep calm as he opened the chat once again. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span class="dirk">TT: Hal. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span class="dave">TT: Yes, Dirk? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span class="dirk">TT: When’s the funeral? </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Notes for this story: </p>
<p>- As I said, this is a canon divergence from Chapter 3 of my Beta Hal fic. If anyone knows that story, they'll know how bad shit gets in canon. So this is basically me throwing that out the window in order to write some sad as fuck shit with Bro. </p>
<p>- The title is from the song "In Case You Don't Live Forever" by Ben Platt, aka the entire reason I wrote this fucking fic. </p>
<p>- If anyone is confused about why Nana and Bro were close: I had a dumb brain thought a long time ago about how Momlalonde worked for Grandpa Harley, so obviously they were close and that meant Bro had to be close to Nana in contrast. Does it make sense? Not really but I've been rolling with it ever since. </p>
<p>- I now currently have the ONLY two fics under the Beta Auto-Responder | Lil Hal tag and that makes me so unreasonably excited??? But also sad. Please people I need more Beta Hal. </p>
<p>- I will, one day, actually write the story of how Bro and Nana met. I want to write it so badly but I am trying to finish the sequel before I even think about the prequel. Let me know if you would want to see that, though!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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